Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
