i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
