his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
