She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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