batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
