so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
