rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
