Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
