This girl is more easily done than said...
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize