Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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