I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
