Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
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