Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Let's paint friendship bongs
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
