They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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