No awkward lesbian experiences without me
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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