I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
