I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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