I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
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