my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
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