apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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