Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I need water and some morals
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
