I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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