I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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