Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
