And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
