Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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