i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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