I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
