So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
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