I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Randomize
