Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
