I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
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