bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
