it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize
