cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
