ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
