forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
