Don't you send me to vm
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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