I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Randomize
