I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
