remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
He called his prostate his "boner button".
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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