Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
