i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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