who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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