the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
