too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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