you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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