i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
