ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
