508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
