toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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