I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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