I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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