why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Randomize
