What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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