Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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