I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
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