I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
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