He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
